i was wondering why i saved this stuff. thank you for looking out for me, past me.

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- On Goals and Standpoints -

I. to awaken from apathy / to educate oneself / to reject escapism, manipulation, coersion, deceit, and imitation.

II. to realize the magnitude of how important, how miraculous change is.

III. to disconcern oneself with selfish gain.

IV. to recognize the importance of an inherent, nurturing femininity within ALL men- and by thus, ridding oneself of any unnecessary stereotype of masculine qualities. some masculine qualities are a good thing, tho. however, overcompetitiveness, jealousy, rage, overabundance of pride (both mental and physical), etc, are to be considered obsolete.

V. to reject the behavior of conformity and a shallow, distorted morality based on socially accepted "skin-deep" principles within any governing group mentality.

VI. to understand that anarchy is not a radical movement, but instead, a passive-resistant mindset, and NOT total chaos and dischord to be enacted- violently, uneffectively- upon society.

VII. to reject oppression, and all its forms- spiritual, mental, racial, sexual, physical, social, etc.

VIII. to forego material posessions and technology and live as comfortably as is needed. however, unneeded as in unnecessary distractions, NOT what further enables and prolongs communication. technology is undeniably ingratiated within our society, but should be used only for communicative, and life-preserving means; and for entertainment only in basic healthy doses.

IX. to know kinship of people. to take responsibilty. to identify with others. to expand mind. to have fun. to stress the arts- creativity, ingenuity, meaning. to stress collegiality with comrades. to animate self. to respect individual viewpoints. to appreciate gifts given. to refuse to accept "place". to elegantly disobey (i'm still workin' on that one- i can be rather crude, sometimes). to provoke discomfort in the elites that have been given all and still want. to provoke discomfort in the downtrodden that have chosen to subjegate themselves. to provoke discomfort in the self. to jar the norm. to ask questions. to wonder. to dance. to play. to be sad. to revere nature. to have fun. to NOT be oblivious to pain, suffering, and the darkness of our time. to accept. to move beyond. to speak your mind. to be noble, even amongst savages. to laugh. to avoid arrogance and condescension and effacement in self. to understand you may very well be alone forever, but to not let that affect your betterment- you are not undesirable, or cursed. to understand you may have many, many lovers, but to not let that affect your betterment- you are not a golden god, or cursed. to understand that life is chaotic, unpredicatable, perfect in its absurdity, and a gift, NOT a mockery. to acknowledge how hard it is, how painful sometimes, but to not let that daunt you from seeking contentment.

X. to have faith, in God, in yourself, and/or humanity; and believe, as you see fit.

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not many people would be brave enough to choose the path i have. but im sick of my cognitive maladjustment getting the best of me. i am myself, regardless of how anybody else views me, which is off anyway, because i am complex, transcient, and unlabelable. i delve in the art of the dark but am naturally light. i know what i want, and how to get there (i think). i live in the now, but plan for the future. i will concentrate on school (but know i don't need it to be happy) and when im not doing that i will play my guitar and make friends cuz it makes me feel sane. i think i may very well be one of the few people around here that isn't crazy, and its getting to me. maybe thats what "insanity" is- to know somthing's off in most everybody else. there are branches of philosophy that talk about that.

future journal entries notwithstanding, by george i think ive got it.